Guiding Lights - #1. Individuality

I remember walking the streets of Buenos Aires at midnight. I’d put my headphones on, search for music on my iPod that seemed to match the feeling of the evening, and then I’d walk. I’d go for miles - occasionally into areas that I’d be warned later on weren’t exactly “safe” for midnight strolls but nonetheless, I have such fond memories of putting my headphones on and walking. I was 20 then. Today, every so often a song will come across a playlist or spin on the radio in a shop somewhere and I’m instantly transported back to Buenos Aires, walking from Belgrano to Puerto Madero listening to my headphones. Mostly I’ve stopped doing that.

When I got married I began a slow process of losing myself. Not because of my wife - God knows she’s been as supportive as they come - but “losing” the part of me that I had cultivated on my own, solo. It wasn’t something anyone did to me - I think I did it to myself. I didn’t know “what” marriage was supposed to be, or what sharing life with someone was supposed to look like. I’ve filmed hundreds of weddings, heard thousands of speeches from family, friends, parents, and inevitably I’ve found myself thinking: “if I were asked to give advice at a wedding, what would it be?”

“You’re my everything. You complete me. You’re the wind in my sails.”

I’ve heard these things said countless times in vows, letters, speeches, and let me first say that romance in one’s youth is such an incredible thing. It’s easy to grow old and think, “just wait until the shimmer wears off,” or some other curmudgeonly deprecation of young love. Now, as a parent, I find myself trying to reclaim some of that youthful exuberance. That said, my advice today is also one of my guiding lights when I tell a story. Be an individual.

Marriage is about connection, not absorption.

Reading an Esther Perel book recently I resonated so strongly with one of her anecdotes. A young man mentioned that his partner went to bed so very early, and he felt frustrated because he was a night owl. She asked him if he ever went out with friends when she went to sleep. His response was exactly like mine, “wait…I can do that?” We’ve heard the narrative about being soulmates and completing each other for so long that, at least for me, I slowly stopped doing things that I previously had loved for myself.

Strangest of all, my wife has actually encouraged me to get out of the house, to go on a hike, to take a camping trip - but it hadn’t fully registered until recently that I was being held hostage by my own flawed beliefs - not “mission statement” beliefs that I would hang on a poster, but subconscious beliefs I didn’t know I had. I’m increasingly convinced that marriage is about connection, not absorption. A connecting of two people, a unification, a partnership that traverses all the ups and downs of life, but not something that minimizes the differences of each other. This connection is a “choice,” we love someone because of who they are, not so that we can absorb them into ourselves.

When we lose our individuality in a relationship, we deprive our partner of a lifetime of discovery.

A marriage is built on trust. My wife and I have a lot of commonality, but we also have a lot of differences. For my part, I feel that I’ve really neglected my own individuality and it has been to our detriment. As things have been changing in that regard, the differences between her and I are sexy. I think that my inclination to “absorb” wasn’t rooted in trust, but rather in fear. Afraid that perhaps my wife wouldn’t choose me, or continue to choose me. Marriage is meant to provide stability, right? But when you lose your individuality, I think you also take away something beautiful from your partner: the ability to continue discovering new things about yourself.

What does this have to do with wedding filmmaking?

Increasingly I find that my philosophy seeps into my work. Yes, I’m making wedding films which are cool but not exactly considered “high art” by the art community at large. But it’s my form of artistic expression, and these themes are absolutely present in the films I make. Yes, my films have themes (at least to me). If I were to give advice today at a wedding, it would simple:

Love each other. Take care of yourself - remember that you are choosing, and being chosen by, someone who has a will completely outside of your own. That’s beautiful. Connect with each other. Don’t neglect the passions you have that may not be shared. Go on a walk. Together. By yourself. Trust each other. Connect, don’t absorb. Love is scary. You could have chosen someone else but you didn’t want to. Your partner could have chosen someone else but they didn’t want to. Love every part of yourselves that touch, every commonality, and celebrate everything that doesn’t. Two become one. And are yet, paradoxically, two. Be an individual. Be an individual who loves another individual. Take the time to feed your soul - put the headphones on, go walk the city alone. Individuality is sexy.

What’s the Point?

One of the biggest frustrations of mine over the years of wedding filmmaking has been the self-imposed limitations of style. Recently I filmed a wedding for another company - we call that associate shooting - where a really powerful moment between an older family member and the bride occurred. It was awesome. I was personally moved, and it wasn’t even one of my couples (meaning I didn’t really know them prior to the wedding). Regrettably, I had the sense then that the moment wouldn’t make it into the film. Sure enough, when the final product was delivered it wasn’t there.

The reason it didn’t make it is simple - many wedding films are templates. From a business standpoint this makes a lot of sense because its easily repeatable. It’s also something you can teach to novice editors.

Start the film with a drone shot, a few nice detail shots, a nice sound bite from the officiant, a couple nice shots of the couple and BOOM we’re in business. I used to do this a lot, so far be it from me to throw the first stone. And to be clear, this isn’t “bad,” it’s just not anything I want to do. Back to the moment in question, it needed some time to breathe - but that doesn’t fit the mold of an edit that’s really just a bunch of moving images slapped together like a slideshow (ok I’m getting heated, apologies). It ended up on the cutting room floor - it didn’t make the film.

This is a matter of opinion, of course, but if we can’t include real moments in our wedding films then what is the point? The elder family member will not be with us forever, and when they were overwhelmed by their emotions because the little girl they remember from birth is now a bride standing in front of them, how do we not use it?

A Change of Direction

When I first started as a wedding videographer I did what everyone else did. It’s also important to note that the wedding videography industry isn’t really that old. There are a few OG’s out there, but for the most part it wasn’t until the DSLR revolution that enabled filmmakers to capture events in glorious HD that the industry really took off.

I often would film something and think, “this is great, but we’ll never use it.”

But it’s not my day. None of it is “mine.” If I’m telling “your story” shouldn’t I be telling the whole thing? When one of my bride’s decided to light up a joint after marrying her husband at 12,000 ft in Colorado, that was part of the story.

But then I learned something from somewhere I didn’t expect.

If you really dive into my website you might discover my “Home Movie.” I love filming my travels and then putting together little videos by which to remember my journeys. The strangest thing happened, however, when I went to edit these films. I love the beautiful images - and there were plenty - but what moved me most ended up being the most stupid moments possible. My wife nearly falling off a rock she was posing on, her knocking over a perfectly crafted cairn, me watching two cars locked in a heated stare-down on a one lane bridge…the little moments, sometimes strange and awkward, were the ones that seemed most memorable. Perhaps they display our humanity more than the incredible postcard pictures we all seem to gravitate to most. I happen to want both the incredible sunset shot and the time I walked in on the groomsmen taking photos of themselves in their boxers.

Candeo Films - Award Winning Wedding Videographer.

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In my opinion, there’s really nothing more interesting to photograph than the human face.

I believe in representing people in a good light - I’m certainly not talking about using clips of you stuffing your face with filet mignon in your film. Instead, I’m talking about the little glimpses into your personality that come out when you’re around friends, family, and loved ones. The dumb laughs at inside jokes, the voices of grandparents - all these small moments, however, are just part of a larger mosaic of the life you’ve cultivated for yourself, your partner, and the people closest to you. Wedding films at large seem to like putting couples into a lovely romantic box. I’m most excited about painting a complete picture of your wedding and your relationship - I want the laughs, the tears, the real moments between you and the people you love to be there. I believe that because I’ve lived it with my own home movies.

Candeo Films Wedding Videography is based in Asheville, North Carolina and Houston, Texas.

Candeo Films Destination Wedding Videography. Candeo Films Award-Winning Videography.

Cinematic Wedding Video. Documentary Wedding Films. 4k wedding films. Drone.

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On Candeo Films’ Wedding Videography Style

You’re getting married - congratulations! Now you’re planning a wedding, and the stress is mounting. Your search for wedding vendors is likely intimidating. You’re having to decide if you like photographer A or B, did you like the texture of this cake or that cake, did this planner rub you wrong, do you like this wedding videographer’s style, etc… This being my first ever blog post, I thought it would be a good idea to quickly run through some of the biggest “stylistic” differences you’ll encounter in the wedding industry.

As a caveat, wedding industry pros generally say you should post blogs for SEO purposes - and nowadays people use Chat GBT (read AI) to generate blog posts. Shamelessly I’ll admit it - I’d love the SEO boost. But if I’m going to take the time to write a blog, I want it to at least be potentially helpful. But please note, throughout this post I’m going to put a few shameless plugs in for SEO. Thanks for reading!

There are a few different things to consider when it comes to style. Obviously there are photographic preferences: you might like light and airy, or perhaps dark and moody. Candeo Films Destination Wedding Videography aims to be generally true to color, though admittedly I’m attracted to a bit of edge.

On Filmmaking Style

When I first started as a Houston Wedding Videographer (is this helping my SEO?) I was most drawn to the eye-candy. The gorgeous details. The couple looking their absolute best on the biggest day of their lives. A good wedding, as far as I was concerned, was one where I got epic shots of the couple in some kind of beautiful place.

The sad reality is that as wedding vendors we often stratify weddings by socio-economic factors.

When you primarily “rank” weddings by details, attractiveness of the couple, how beautiful the venue is, etc…you find yourself within a framework where to find greater job fulfillment you need to do bigger, better, more exclusive weddings. When a wedding film is primarily about the event itself, it’s impossible not to begin comparing it with other incredible events. I’ve done it. My industry friends have done it.

I realized I wasn’t sure why I started filming weddings.

A few years ago, however, I came to a crossroads. I decided I either wanted to quit being an Asheville Wedding Videographer or to really go deeper. I wasn’t sure why I had started filming weddings, but I had the sense more could be done with wedding films. I love cinema - I love to watch a good film. In my 20’s I pursued music as my primary career path, but if it hadn’t been for that I likely would have tried my hand in LA to see if making movies was in the cards for me. Cinematic Wedding Films provide an interesting opportunity for filmmakers - there’s no need to write a script, the story is already there. And there’s no need to hire actors because the couple you’re filming is actually in love. It’s real and authentic.

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As far as I can tell, wedding films often fall into two main categories:

1. There are films that put you on a pedestal - they show you in an extremely fashionable, almost distant kind of way (think Vogue). You see it and think, “wow that is soooo cool.” There’s probably a lot of super cool slow motion, vibey edits with crazy camera moves and amazing transitions (admittedly this isn’t my strong suit), and the end result is a film that showcases your day with an edit that just screams cool that you’ll watch and think “wow, THAT was an amazing day.” As I mentioned, there’s some distance to this approach. It’s hard to imagine the fashion model on the runway being anything but cold and cool - the example is a bit extreme but hopefully you get the idea.

2. Next there’s the documentary approach, which admittedly is where I’ve found myself stylistically. I love real moments. If you want to pose with your groomsmen in your boxers, or want to light up a joint after your wedding I AM THERE FOR IT. I believe there’s power in capturing your lived experiences as they happen. I love using natural audio from the wedding day because I believe that the ability you’re giving your future selves to look back on your past selves and your loved ones (some of whom may be gone) is so special. Yes I want stunning visuals (I happen to think Candeo Films Cinematic Weddings creates some), but as I’ve grown older, and hopefully wiser, I find myself more impacted by capturing your grandfather in tears at seeing you for the first time than by getting a super cool portrait. Yes you want to look your best, but you also want to capture the people who mean the world to you. I’ve tried both styles and this is where I’ve landed. It’s why I don’t use slow motion much at all. I want to create mini “scenes” throughout my films, whereas the aforementioned approach generally relies on montage. I’m aware it isn’t for everyone, but if you’re thinking of hiring Candeo Films North Carolina Wedding Videographer than you should know my approach.

In times past I’ve associate shot for other companies and filmed things on the day that I KNEW would never make the edit because it didn’t fit the studio’s “style.” The story on the wedding day is you. YOU are the story. My style is authentically telling your story - and if you want to jump in the fountain and have a lightsaber duel, I want to capture it. I like your details. But I like showcasing you and your partner’s personalities more.

When the primary focus is the couple and not the event, I can create an amazing film even without the most spectacular details or venue.

Candeo Films Wedding Videography is based in Asheville, North Carolina and Houston, Texas.

Candeo Films Destination Wedding Videography. Candeo Films Award-Winning Videography.

Cinematic Wedding Video. Documentary Wedding Films. 4k wedding films. Drone.

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